Ambassador Raymond Orogun Ugbeh, who is the Organizing Secretary of Petra Career Management Resources came up with the concept of organizing an end-of-year program strictly for married couples. We arrived at a date, 26th of December. It was to last for one-and-half hours, though we eventually spent about two-and-half hours there because of questions and comments.

    This post is a summary of the events and discussions.

    Scriptural References: Proverbs 6:26, 32; Proverbs 5:10-17; 1 Corinthians 7:1-5; 1 Peter 3:1-7; Malachi 2:15.

    There is a difference between sex and lovemaking.

    Sex is a bio-mechanical and psychological activity devoid of responsibility. It could be mutually exploitative even in marriage. It is only an activity to satisfy the amorous desire of an individual. Lovemaking, on the other hand, involves the following.

    R1 Restrictions

    It is an activity between only married people as designed by God. Outside marriage, it is just a sinful, risky, and mutual exploitation and desecration.

    I always wonder how a man can kiss a young woman he picked up from the streets. These girls practice oral sex frequently. Can you imagine how many male organs she has sucked in the past weeks? I wonder how a woman can kiss a stranger, that is not her husband. Can you imagine how many female organs and mouths he has had sexual contact with? Every sexual activity leaves a trace of your physical and spiritual DNA in the other person.

    I think that casual sex and adultery is gross irresponsibility.

    R2 Respect

    Sex can be aggressive without regards for the other person. That’s why a man can rape a lady and strangle her to death. Acts like sadomasochism are sexually perverse, even though they give pleasure to the participants.

    In the Oil of Marriage, I pointed how many men speak harshly to their wives and treat them as slaves during the day, and expect them to yield their bodies and their souls to them, in bed, at night. What she is doing with you is just mechanical and dutiful. A wife that has suffered domestic violence or aggression in the home sees the husband as a fool on top of her during sex.

    It is better for you to buy a sex doll instead of seeing your wife as only a sex partner. Unless there is tenderness in speech and action prior to intercourse, it is not lovemaking. The irony is that this tenderness is absent in many marriages.

    Several women do not respect their husbands, they see them as an attainment. They see being married as being a college graduate. They are more interested in being called Mrs Peter or Mrs John without the responsibilities of being married to a husband. They see the husband as an ATM machine to meet their misconceived needs and developmental carryovers.

    A woman with a faulty and quarrelsome personality, and low self-esteem will be used by her husband to meet his domestic and sexual needs. He can still be monogamous and faithful to his wife, can even scream when ejaculating, but he is not in love and is not making love to the wife. Such women with wild and unrestrained tempers can have sex with the husband at night, and stupidly quarrel with the husband early the next morning.

    Without the love of God in the hearts of both partners, it is very difficult for them to love a spouse. A lot of people go into marriage without having experienced parental love. They don’t understand what love is.

    R3 Ravishing Desire

    The Bible commands men to be crazy about their wives. Men are expected to love their wives as Christ loved the church. It is a deliberately-created affection. If people can love their dogs passionately, why can’t people love themselves despite their obvious faults. When I was having problems with my wife, I saw a woman with a hole in her cheek; I don’t know if it was due to untreated cancrum oris, but she had children and a husband. I would see very skinny, untidy, and unkempt women riding bicycles from Aba to Azumini and Akwa Ibom state; I said to myself that they most certainly had husbands. From then on, I told myself that I would deliberately love my wife.

    Let the breasts of your wife satisfy you always – that’s what the Bible says in Proverbs 5:19; It is a game of the mind.

    This, however, does not negate the fact that wives must make themselves appealing to their husbands. There is no ugly woman; it is a matter of packaging.

    R4 Reciprocity

    Most of what we know about sex is from pornography and feminists. Very few married people have deliberately taken time to read books on sex by experts on sexual activity.

    There are a lot of misconceptions about sex and lovemaking in marriage. The misconceptions about sex and lovemaking from pornography are carried into marriage by some couples. Pornographic films are edited and are acted by people on drugs. Orgasm or enjoyable lovemaking is not based on duration or the size of the penis as portrayed online by marketers of some bizarre sex-enhancement products.

    The whole exercise of lovemaking, not sex, starts from the mind. That’s why Jesus said that just thinking lustfully or imaginatively about a woman is adultery. When it comes to lovemaking, many church folks behave like people who are deaf and dumb. They only communicate with sign language. Some women behave like diesel engine trucks with a faulty kick starter, defective injectors, and heating coils. They need to be pushed, primed, and revved before they start warming up; this is especially true among the very religious ones. As a wife, you should prime yourself up, seduce your husband, dress in his presence, and send him amorous text messages just like an adulteress would do to him. There should be proper timing, and occasionally spontaneity is the name the game.

    The Bible says that the lips of an adulteress drip honey. Your speech should be seductive and enticing. It includes the “welcome” greeting from work, Create a conducive environment at home, generally, and in the bedroom in particular. Prepare for it like a ritual. When these actions are taken, lovemaking is less of duration, but more of emotional unity and mutual expression of love and value for each other.

    There are healthy fantasies that men and women have before marriage. Within the limits of social acceptance and the Word of God, such fantasies should be met in the matrimonial bed.

    Spouses should present themselves as living sacrifices to each other with sweet-smelling savour. Shave your pubic hair and armpits. Shave your beards as a male (unless your wife likes it kept and tidy), avoid keeping long dirty nails as a man, and women must have well-kept nails. Perfume your selves after taking a good bath; nobody wants to make love with a dirty spouse in a dirty environment.

    R5 Resistor

    The Bible says in 1 Corinthians 7:1-5 that spouses should not deny each other the conjugal rights of marriage, so that the devil will not come in. This means that a fulfilling love life in marriage will prevent the devil from penetrating your marriage. It will prevent adultery and all the catastrophic consequences that follow. It is likely to prevent divorce with its volcanic effects on the couple, children, their businesses, ministry, finances, and their health. It leads to unity and prevents external interference from outsiders.

    Spouses that have a good love life live longer, are more productive in their offices, and are happier. For men, it prevents prostate cancer to some degree. It is also known to reduce blood pressure, good for the heart, and has an anti-aging effect on couples.

    We have been having testimonies from participating couples since on the 26th of December. We plan to host another hang out on the 26th of December this year.

    We are ready to entertain questions on this subject matter on this platform.

    God Bless You.


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