I am your friend, Dr. Charles Apoki. Today, I want to talk about marriage. Marriage is a willful union between two mutually consenting adults of the opposite gender for the purpose of adding value to each other, enabling each other to achieve shared ideas and ideals, and doing so according to spiritual principles and the laws of the land.
Marriage, at its core, is about value addition. When you marry someone, their life should become better because of you, and vice versa. However, many marriages today are fraught with challenges, and much of the toxicity stems from what I call “bad currency transactions.”
The “Bad Currency” Analogy
Recently, after delivering a lecture at the Petroleum Training Institute, participants rushed to buy my books. In the excitement, one person handed me a mutilated currency note. This note was unusable because it lacked essential features like a serial number. It couldn’t add value to any transaction. Similarly, many people come into marriage with “bad currencies” – attitudes, habits, and mindsets that cannot add value to the relationship.
Some of these “bad currencies” include:
Ideas from Facebook or YouTube that are disconnected from reality.
Misguided notions of feminism or male superiority.
Toxic behaviors inherited from parental or societal influences.
Unrealistic expectations shaped by movies or social media.
When two people transact in marriage using these “bad currencies,” the relationship becomes strained. Each person retaliates with equally bad responses, and soon, the marriage is filled with frustration, anger, and bitterness.
The Key to Value Addition
Your spouse’s life should improve because of you. Your actions and attitudes should reflect “good currency transactions.” Even in moments of conflict, choose to respond with grace and kindness. Let me share a powerful example.
Smith Wigglesworth, a renowned preacher, was initially not a believer. One day, he locked his wife out of the house after she returned late from a church fellowship. She spent the cold night outside. The next morning, when Smith opened the door, his wife greeted him with a smile and asked, “Honey, what would you like for breakfast?” This act of grace and love moved Smith so deeply that he eventually followed her to church and became a devout Christian.
This story illustrates the power of responding to “bad currency” with “good currency.” It transformed Smith Wigglesworth’s life and ministry.
Practical Steps for Marital Harmony
Avoid Retaliation: When your spouse transacts with “bad notes” – such as harsh words or neglect – resist the urge to retaliate in kind. Respond with understanding and patience.
Add Value: Always seek to improve your spouse’s life. Encourage their growth, support their dreams, and celebrate their successes.
Communicate Respectfully: Small gestures like saying “Good morning” or expressing gratitude can go a long way in maintaining respect and love.
Invest in Your Marriage: Just like any successful venture, marriages thrive on consistent investment – time, energy, and affection.
The Role of Deterrence
While grace is essential in marriage, there is also a place for setting boundaries with others. If someone outside your marriage – whether a family member or an acquaintance – tries to cause harm, you must assertively protect your relationship. Marriage is sacred, and it deserves to be safeguarded from external toxicity.
Final Thoughts
Marriage is not merely about cohabitation or fulfilling societal expectations. It is about mutual upliftment, emotional growth, and spiritual harmony. Avoid using “bad currencies” and strive to transact with love, respect, and grace. In doing so, you’ll build a marriage that thrives despite challenges.
Remember, our upcoming webinar, Maximizing Your Life, Ministry, and Finances, will take place on the 6th and 7th of December. Send a message to +234 80 2121 9262 to register. Additionally, if you’re interested in properties for sale, contact us at +234 75213 6763.
God bless you.
