Social Intelligence: A Look at Tamar and Judah
Social Intelligence is the application of knowledge in human interactions, in such a way that life does not shortchange you, while at the same time, you maintain your integrity, reputation, and good relationships.
1. It is not wisdom for someone to hit his head against a wall and then you suffer a headache for that person. Someone should not eat soured food and then you suffer diarrhea in his/her place.
2. Tamar, in my book, Prerogative of Mercy: The Principles of Tamar, became a two-time widow because of the wickedness of the men that married her.
The children of Judah were wicked; Tamar was innocent.
3. Don’t deliberately accept a bad name for what you are a victim of.
Tamar was the victim in this case.
4. When the goalpost keeps getting shifted, learn to position yourself in anticipation of where they will position the goalpost so that you can score.
Judah had hidden Shelah, the third son of his, though he had promised that he would marry Tamar when he grows up. There was an attempt to portray her as a husband killer, but she was innocent.
5. This is the most technical part of this case.
Tamar acted on and processed information. I suspect that she understood the sexual disposition of the father-in-law, Judah.
Since Judah was a widower and she a widow, there was no case of adultery if Judah willingly had sex with her. They were both technically unmarried.
Judah had the power of attorney to give Tamar in marriage and, by implication, raise children for the family. So, if he decided to have sex with her, thinking she was a prostitute, he had unknowingly granted himself the right to produce children for his own family.
Tamar knew that Judah must be sexually starved with the death of his wife. She knew that he would fall for the bait. I wonder her she packaged herself that a father-in-law could not identity his daughter-in-law.
There are people who only care about themselves and their interests. They don’t care who they mess up their lives.
Tamar refused to die as a widow in her father’s house after being messed up by the wickedness of Judah’s sons.
6. Tamar had been deceived once by Judah by hiding Shelah.
She did not want to be a victim again, so she needed an evidence to protect herself. If not for the evidence she had, she would have died as an innocent victim.
But She outsmarted Judah, and she fulfilled her purpose.
God was with her, if not why the safe delivery of the twins. Even God knew she had suffered enough innocently.
Out of Tamar, King David emerged.
Don’t be the masochist; don’t be a sadist; don’t be a willing victim. Be wise.
God Bless You.