Something You Must do in Marriage | If You aren't Doing it, You are Deceiving Yourselves

One fact we must quickly come to term with is that love alone cannot sustain a marriage, It takes intentionality and I will be sharing some vital ingredients that leads to a successful and fulfilling marriage.

I’ve often used the letter “R” as a framework for discussing marriage: Realization, Relationship, and now, Responsibility. Responsibility is the cornerstone of any enduring marriage.

Many years ago, I was invited by a pastor to be the guest preacher at his wedding. He thought I had an ideal, perfect marriage. I told him this perception was far from reality. My wife and I did not just get here, we have faced numerous challenges and differences, but we are committed to making our marriage work through compromises and sacrifices. We’ve been married for 39 years.

It’s crucial to understand there is no ideal or perfect marriage. Successful marriages are like well-managed businesses. Forget the fairy tale notion of endless romance; what truly sustains a marriage is responsibility.

The True Meaning of Responsibility in Marriage

Responsibility in marriage means bringing your ability to respond to your partner’s needs. The primary purpose of marriage is to help each other realize and release potentials. This aligns with the biblical principle of being a suitable helpmate.

When my wife and I met, she had just finished her school certificate, and I was a medical student. We were young—21 and 19, respectively. Over the years, we have helped each other grow. I wrote her application to the School of Nursing and supported her education. She became a nurse midwife while I became a medical doctor.

Together, we have nurtured each other’s potentials and released them. Our marriage has been about mutual support and growth. This extends to our children, who have become successful in their own right— a medical doctor, an orthopedic surgeon, an educationist, a Ph.D. holder in engineering, and a master’s degree holder who runs a business in Europe.

Sacrifices and Hard Work

Releasing potentials requires hard work and sacrifices. My wife used to sell books from the boot of our school bus. When told to rest, she would say, “The altar does not pay school fees.” I carried school books on my shoulders, sometimes to the point of physical pain, to save money for our children’s education.

Our efforts have paid off. Today, we have successful children, and we live a life we’ve always dreamed of. This is the essence of marriage—building each other up, not tearing each other down. Toxic behaviors, selfishness, and emotional banditry have no place in a healthy marriage.


Marriage is about mutual growth, support, and releasing each other’s potentials. If you’re not committed to this principle, you’re missing the true essence of marriage. Build each other up and strive for a partnership that enhances both your lives. I hope this post resonates with you and provides valuable insights into what makes a marriage truly work. Stay committed, stay responsible, and watch your marriage flourish

I remain your friend, Dr. Charles Apoki.

God bless you.

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