I want to talk about a topic that affects many people deeply—the desire to be liked. This desire for acceptance and admiration can be a major hindrance to personal growth and self-actualization.
The Trap of Seeking Approval
Many people, especially women, struggle with the urge to be admired and acclaimed. While it is good to be presentable, kind, and have good interpersonal relationships, making the pursuit of approval a priority can be detrimental. When I realized this truth, I became a better person.
Recently, the Miss Senegal beauty contest committee made a bold statement: contestants should not wear wigs. They encouraged natural African beauty—low cuts, braids, or even shaved heads—but no artificial hair. This speaks to a larger issue among African women—the relentless desire to adopt a Caucasian appearance. Many bleach their skin, wear artificial hair, and try to alter their features to fit a Eurocentric standard. Ironically, my Caucasian daughters-in-law admire African hair, and my grandson sports an Afro with pride. Yet, many Africans reject what is inherently theirs.
The Illusion of Love and Acceptance
The need to be loved and accepted is a deep illusion. Margaret Atwood once said, “The desire to be loved is the last illusion—give it up, and you will be free.” Many people live in a constant state of anxiety, seeking validation from others. But here’s the truth: people’s opinions are fickle. The same crowd that praised Jesus and laid down their clothes for Him soon shouted for His crucifixion. If they could turn against Jesus, who are you trying to impress?
This need for approval drives people to extreme measures—piercing their bodies excessively, making outrageous content for social media, and degrading themselves just to attract attention. But in the end, they realize they wasted their lives trying to impress people who never really cared.
The Freedom in Being Yourself
True confidence comes when you stop trying to impress people. Instead of conforming to others’ expectations, focus on your purpose and vision. Angela Merkel, former Chancellor of Germany, was once asked why she dressed so simply. Her response was profound: “I am a civil servant, not a model.”
When you free yourself from the illusion of needing approval, you become more productive and authentic. You stop wasting time trying to fit into other people’s molds. People who once criticized me now celebrate me. Some want me to conform to their standards, but I refuse—I have my own standards, my own goals, and my own vision.
Your design determines your designation. A lizard does not need the approval of a crocodile. Okra does not need to be compared to onions. Each has its own purpose.
Focus on What Truly Matters
Instead of spending all your resources and energy trying to impress people who may not even notice or care about you, invest in yourself. Time is an impartial judge. Those who seek to appear sophisticated and expensive will eventually learn that it does not guarantee success or fulfillment.
Once you come to this realization, you can confidently declare, “I burst out of the illusion!”
I am your friend, Dr. Charles Apoki.
We also have properties for sale. Contact us
God bless you!
