I want to address an issue that is becoming alarmingly frequent in our society—abusive marriages and the devastating consequences they bring.
Recently, we heard about a tragic case where a man set his wife ablaze, leading to her death. Such incidents compel us to confront uncomfortable truths about anger, abuse, and the institution of marriage itself.
Marriage and the Danger of Anger
Marriage requires immense patience and maturity. If you cannot control your anger, it will destroy you and those you claim to love. Anger has no place in a healthy relationship.
Marriage is not the ultimate purpose of life. It is better to remain single than to enter a union that puts your life at risk. Even the Bible acknowledges this, saying it is better to live on a rooftop or in the wilderness than in a house with a quarrelsome partner.
Abuse Knows No Gender
Abuse in marriage is not limited to one gender. While men are often the aggressors, women can also be perpetrators. I recently saw a case where a woman poured hot oil on her husband, leaving him deformed. The consequences of such actions are catastrophic:
- The victim suffers physically, emotionally, and financially.
- Families are torn apart.
- Children are left without proper care.
- Legal consequences drain both parties.
Such behavior ruins lives, destroys futures, and creates cycles of pain and resentment.
The Role of the Church and Society
Churches and society must stop being hypocritical about marriage. Many churchgoers misinterpret and misuse scriptures to justify abusive or oppressive behavior, particularly against women. On the other hand, some women exploit their husbands’ religious beliefs, using them as tools of manipulation.
We must remember that when the Bible was written, the societal context was vastly different:
- People weren’t taking drugs or engaging in behaviors that exacerbate temper issues.
- The environment was more modest, and temptations were fewer.
Today, we live in a world where drugs, alcohol, and societal pressures worsen conflicts in marriages. Misinterpreting scripture without considering these realities does more harm than good.
Wisdom in Marriage Decisions
The Bible is a guide, but we must apply wisdom and adapt its teachings to our current realities. If a marriage is threatening your life, leave. Divorce may not be ideal, but staying in a life-threatening situation is worse.
Men, women, and even children are suffering in silence. As a society, we need to support those in abusive relationships, not shame them into staying.
A Final Word
Marriage is not about control or dominance; it is about mutual respect, love, and understanding. If you are in an abusive relationship, seek help, and prioritize your safety. A broken marriage is better than a broken life.
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God bless you.
Dr. Charles Apoki.
