In my recent stay at a tranquil monastery by a lake, I’ve had some time to reflect on relationships, especially marriage. The setting has been peaceful—ducks swimming, people milling about—while questions about my wife and my relationship have been on my mind.
I often speak about the concept of being “married but single.” This idea suggests that just because two people are married, it doesn’t mean they need to do everything together. My wife and I have our own lives and interests that sometimes diverge, and that’s perfectly okay. She enjoys her business and prefers to stay home; travel isn’t her preference. Right now, she’s busy with the peak admission season, managing things while I’m away.
There are practical reasons behind my travels without her. For one, we have different tastes—especially when it comes to food. As I’ve discovered different cuisines during my travels, some meals just don’t appeal to her, leading to potential disagreements. Instead of forcing our lifestyles together, we’ve learned to embrace our individuality. I’ve allowed her to thrive in her strengths while still supporting each other in our own endeavors.
Interestingly, my wife has her quirky preferences. She once told me not to buy anything for her during my travels—just chocolates would suffice! While some might consider it strange, I’ve come to appreciate and respect her uniqueness. We understand our differences and celebrate them, rather than forcing conformity.
Many people believe that for a marriage to work, couples must be similar and share common interests. While that may work for some, it’s crucial to recognize that everyone has their own personality. My wife balances my expressive nature with her more reserved demeanor, creating a harmony that works for us. We don’t have to wear the same clothes or share identical hobbies; instead, we contribute our individual strengths to nurture our relationship.
It’s essential to avoid conflict by understanding and accepting each other’s peculiarities. Often, people focus on the negatives in their partners, which leads to discontent. Instead of trying to force someone into your mold, it’s far more productive to build each other up by acknowledging and valuing each other’s differences.
In light of this, I’m excited to share that I have a conference coming up on November 8th and 9th, titled “Becoming a Person of Influence.” It will delve deeper into understanding relationships and personal growth. If you’re interested in attending, please register.
Embracing our relational realities has made my marriage fulfilling, and I encourage others to find the beauty in their differences as well.
I am your friend
Dr. Charles Apoki.
