“While a husband or wife wants to feel that things are done out of love and for love only, the fact remains that love continues only if it is nourished.” An important ingredient that leads to a nourished marriage is respect and responsibility.
The Foundation of Respect
One of the key things you must realize in marriage is the need for mutual respect. There’s a common perception among African males, particularly Christian husbands, that only the woman is supposed to show respect. However, respect should be mutual—it involves having regard for a person’s ideas, emotions, ideals, desires, and dislikes.
For instance, my wife and I don’t always share the same tastes, but we respect each other’s preferences. Even though she often wants me to adopt her tastes, we maintain mutual respect for each other’s values and ideas. This respect extends to the institution of marriage itself—we don’t allow anyone to mess up our home, and we ensure we don’t mess it up ourselves.
Self-Respect and Boundaries
Respect also means respecting yourself and your boundaries. I have beautiful girls working for me, and I travel a lot, interacting with many people. Despite this, I respect myself, my ministry, and my wife. If my wife starts a negotiation, I don’t revoke it without consulting her, as it would undermine her in front of others.
When I see the buildings my wife constructs for us, I appreciate her concern about my perception. This mutual respect for each other’s work and emotions is crucial. If I’m recording, my wife reduces noise out of respect for my work. Similarly, I ensure not to disturb her when she’s resting.
The Problem with Modern Marriages
Today’s marriages often suffer because people claim rights without respecting the person they are claiming rights from. A significant issue with some modern feminist approach is the lack of respect. Mutual respect is fundamental—you can’t dress provocatively and expect a conservative husband not to voice his concerns. If he does, respect him enough to consider his feelings.
Practical Respect in Marriage
- Respect Each Other’s Parents: Show respect to each other’s parents and families.
- Public Respect: Respect your spouse in front of friends, workers, and children. Don’t speak derogatorily about your spouse in their presence.
- Self-Respect: Respect yourself by not overindulging or acting irresponsibly in public. Avoid unnecessary debt and live within your means.
The Changing Dynamics of Marriage
Understand that modern marriages are different from those of our parents. Today’s women are educated, exposed, and work outside the home. You can’t replicate your father’s marriage dynamics if the circumstances have changed. Learn to adapt to the realities of modern-day marriage with respect and mutual understanding.
Final Thoughts
Respect is reciprocal and earned. It’s the glue that holds marriages together. Ensure that your children respect their father, as they are watching and learning from your actions.
