I am going on a speaking tour, and I was telling Abraham that if, while we are on the tour, I receive a message from my wife and my children telling me not to return home, I would simply move on. I told him that if not for my international passport, I would not even bother to return to that house, and I would not miss anything.
I treasure my wife. I treasure my children. But no person holds me to ransom.
It was a deliberate policy I cultivated very early in life.
Very early in life, acquire skills that are geographically mobile. That is to say, as a medical doctor, I can practise anywhere. If I need to take professional examinations in the UK or the US, I can pass them and practise there. I can move with my skills.
So, have movable skills.
Number two, utilise your time as a young person very effectively. Segment it. There are things you are supposed to do at particular stages of life.
There was a time for education.
There was a time for raising children.
There was a time to stop and consolidate.
There was a time to build a foundation for financial independence.
I do not need any member of my household to take care of me.
As I grew older, particularly as I was approaching 60, I realised from experience that you are a commodity, and there is an opportunity cost associated with you.
Relationships often die faster than self-interest.
Even your own children.
For example, if your child is working in Bahrain and you are sick, and you need him to come home or donate blood for you, he might not be able to leave his work. His job—his self-interest—may be more important than coming to attend to you.
These days, when I call my children, they sometimes say, “My baby is sleeping. I cannot receive your call.” And that is their interest. I am no longer their primary interest.
I do not get angry because the baby needs to sleep.
When I was paying their school fees, they could call me at any time. Even if I was kissing their mother, I would remove my mouth to answer the call. But now their self-interest is greater than the relationship they have with me.
People are angry with Obi Cubana because he joined the City Boys movement.
You must understand something: Obi Cubana, Cubana Chief Priest, and many of those young Igbo businessmen in that movement are acting according to self-interest. Their personal interest can become more important than their relationship with Igbo political priorities or even support for particular politicians.
That relationship can be sacrificed for self-interest.
You must not live in isolation—you will work with people—but make sure you cultivate a lifestyle where you can be financially independent.
I was telling Abraham that in my co-operative, I want to reach the point where my dividends alone can give me a monthly income of ₦500,000.
For example, if I receive ₦6 million as annual dividends, I can divide it into ₦500,000 per month for twelve months. I can live on that because I have very few responsibilities and I live a very simple life.
That becomes my pension.
So I keep putting money into my co-operative until I reach a level where my dividends can be around ₦6 million per year, while still leaving money there in case I need it.
Now imagine that you are an old man. You have a car, and petrol is ₦1,300 in some places and ₦1,000 in others, and you are depending on the pension the government pays.
How will you cope?
You may start trekking again.
But if you have invested and built something that can take care of your needs and your family’s needs, you will discover that you are freer and you will live better.
I know someone whose only son refused to come and see her during the later part of her life. When she died, the same child came and started drinking under a canopy at the burial.
I also know someone whose daughter sat beside her on her deathbed and was abusing her.
So who are you placing your faith in?
You are the most important person in your life.
Invest in yourself.
Exercise discipline.
Manage your money well.
Manage your time well.
Exercise discipline so that you remain healthy. Do exercises. Manage your diet well. Ensure that you do not become dependent on people and that you do not become a parasite.
I am your friend, Dr. Charles Apoki.
This might annoy you, but the truth remains: relationships often die faster than self-interest, and you are an opportunity cost.
God bless you.
