I’m your friend, Dr. Charles Apoki. In my last video, I talked about the crazy things in marriage that old men don’t tell their sons. I’ve been laughing at the reactions since I posted that video, but today, I want to share something deeper—one key ingredient that sustains marriage.
There’s a young couple I see on social media—rich, popular, and with so much fame but no specific talent or occupation. I am scared for them because marriage is not sustained by love alone. Love is often confused with lust, and as I’ve said before, it’s just a chemical reaction triggered by hormones like oxytocin. What truly sustains a marriage is respect.
Marriage is Honourable
Hebrews 13:4 says, “Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled.” Marriage should be honoured, and at the core of that honour is respect. Society has changed significantly from when the Bible was written—women now have rights and privileges. While the traditional structure of marriage remains, respect must be mutual.
What is Respect?
Respect means holding someone in high esteem. I respect my marriage, my wife, and married people in general. I respect my wife’s dislikes, opinions, and personal space. This is why I keep my environment clean, trim my beard, and ensure my hygiene is up to standard—it’s a sign of respect.
Little acts of disregard and irritation build up over time, leading to dislike, disinterest, and eventually, hatred. No matter how small a woman is, if she decides to mess you up, you won’t contain her. So, respect yourself and respect your spouse.
Respect in Practical Terms
Respect in Communication: A husband deserves respect, even when he’s wrong. The Bible warns against openly rebuking elders. Similarly, women should not be spoken to rudely by their husbands. My wife defends my honour, and I appreciate that.
Respect for Preferences: In my house, we wear separate footwear upstairs. My wife dislikes seeing dirt on the floors, so I respect that and follow the rule.
Respect for Responsibilities: Over time, I realized my wife has a better taste in design, so I let her handle construction projects while respecting my input.
Sacrifices and Esteem
Respect is an opportunity cost—you forgo some things to hold your spouse in high esteem. I once received a bundle of brand-new notes from a king and set it aside for my wife’s tithes and offerings because I esteem her. Respect means caring for each other’s well-being, preferences, and contributions.
Men go through a lot to provide, and women work hard to manage homes. In the diaspora, where both partners work, respect must be mutual. A woman earning more should still respect her husband’s role, and a husband should appreciate his wife’s sacrifices.
Respecting Conjugal Rights
The Bible commands couples not to deprive each other. Knocking (intimacy) reduces stress and tension. Massage your wife when she’s tired, and show affection. Don’t be a mortuary attendant in your own home—show warmth.
Understanding Gender Differences
Men dislike being challenged in their own house; they want to be treated like kings. Women, on the other hand, are emotional and need gentle handling. I used to be rough with my wife at work, but I learned that women respond best when their minds are at peace.
Even if your spouse doesn’t reciprocate, choose to be better. A successful marriage isn’t about who wins arguments but about building a home where both partners find fulfillment.
Conclusion
Respect is the key to sustaining marriage. It’s about regard, care, consideration, and understanding. Whether in actions, words, or decisions, respect your spouse, and your marriage will thrive.
I remain your friend, Dr. Charles Apoki.
God bless you.
