To assume is to act without proper knowledge, certainty, verification, facts, or analysis. In marriage, there are critical things you must never assume.
1. Never Assume You Know Your Spouse
A 92-year-old man, a judge in the United States, suddenly realized that the three children and grandchildren he assumed were his own were not biologically his. At 92, what could he do? He had lived his entire life assuming.
I’m not saying you should become suspicious, but be prepared. People change over time. Pressure can bring out a new nature in them. Shakespeare, in Macbeth, wrote, “There is no art to find the mind’s construction in the face.” In other words, you can’t always tell what’s in someone’s heart just by looking at them.
2. Never Assume Your Husband’s Financial Capacity
Many men are living on borrowed finances and packaging an image of wealth. If you place unnecessary financial demands on them, they might collapse under pressure. Always verify the true state of your partner’s finances before making assumptions.
3. Never Assume Your Partner is Happy
Many men and women keep a lot of things away from each other. In Urhobo, there is a term called Oro, which means covering. A wrapper (Oro) covers rashes, gray hair, scars, and many imperfections. Likewise, spouses cover a lot of things—both in public and in private.
Very few people are truly frank about their feelings. A person with a hot temper may say offensive things but at least expresses their mind. Similarly, a drunk person will often say exactly what they think. If you want to know how someone truly feels, listen to them when they are angry or intoxicated.
Always diplomatically and tactfully verify:
Do you like the way I cook?
Do you like the way I dress?
Do you like the way I speak to you?
What is it that you don’t like?
You might be shocked by their answers. Many spouses assume all is well until their partner suddenly walks away, leaving them in shock.
4. Never Assume Your Partner is Sexually Satisfied
In marriage, sexual satisfaction is key. Sometimes, changes are needed—dressing, hygiene, lingerie, nighttime routines, language, and intimacy techniques. A simple shift can make a huge difference.
5. Never Rent a Room in Your Spouse’s Head
Some people are quick to say, “I know what you are thinking!” “I know why you did this!” This is dangerous. Assuming your spouse’s thoughts and intentions without verification can lead to false accusations and unnecessary conflicts.
6. Never Assume Your Spouse’s Capacity
Underestimating your partner’s abilities can be a mistake. I once assumed my wife had limited capacity, but through observation, I realized she has an exceptional ability to manage resources and situations beyond my imagination. Take time to understand and appreciate your spouse’s true potential.
7. Never Assume Your Spouse’s Intentions
Assumptions can lead to resentment and damage a relationship. Instead of assuming, simply ask for clarification. Whenever my wife speaks to me, I often say, “I don’t understand what you are saying.” I do this with my lawyer, managers, and close associates because I believe in getting clarity rather than assuming.
8. Three People You Must Never Assume You Understand
There are three categories of people whose words and actions must always be verified:
Your Partner
A Pastor
A Politician
These three have significant influence in our lives and can make or break us if we blindly assume their intentions.
Conclusion
Never assume in marriage—it can be devastating. Verify, communicate, and seek clarity to avoid unnecessary heartbreak.
We also have properties for sale.
God bless you.
