I am Dr. Charles Apoki, and today, I want to share part of my life experiences—the challenges and advantages of marrying early. I got married at the age of 26, while my wife was 24. It was also the year I participated in the National Youth Service Corps (NYSC) program in the former Imo State, now split into Imo and Abia States. I left Aba for Warri to conduct the marriage ceremony. At that time, I wasn’t a Christian yet, and this is what it was like:
The Challenges
Financial Struggles
Finances were a significant challenge. As a young doctor, my title was far grander than my bank account. I had only 54 or 45 naira in my account (the exact sequence of the digits escapes me). Despite this, I had to cover all expenses—from buying clothes to food to kola nuts for the ceremony. It was stressful, but I worked extra hard to provide for my young family. I even kept records of our wedding expenses, which amounted to 3,100 naira, equivalent to $6,200 today.
Caring for a child also came with financial responsibilities. While some things were cheaper back then, like food, the pressure of providing as a young husband and father was intense. I was fortunate to have some workplace privileges that reduced the burden, such as transportation support.
Inexperience
Coming from a family where I was the last child, I had no experience with babies. My wife, being a nurse, had some background in childcare, but we were both navigating new territory. I remember panicking when our baby made a sudden movement in her sleep, thinking she was ill. Thankfully, my sister-in-law’s support during the early weeks was invaluable.
Uncertainty and Loneliness
Life’s uncertainties were daunting. I had the added responsibilities of caring for two paralyzed parents and a mentally ill brother. My friends were also navigating their own challenges, leaving me feeling somewhat abandoned. Despite this, these struggles cultivated a sense of maturity and responsibility in me.
Limited Mobility
Unlike my peers, I couldn’t easily pursue opportunities abroad or focus entirely on career advancement. As a married man with a child, geographical mobility was limited, and my career aspirations, particularly in medicine, had to take a back seat.
Social Expectations
The societal expectations of being a young, married doctor added to the pressure. However, my wife and I remained focused, avoiding the pitfalls of comparison and societal judgment.
The Advantages
Maturity and Responsibility
Marriage forced me to grow up quickly. The responsibilities of being a husband and father taught me discipline and focus. It also helped me separate from the distractions of youthful excitement.
Bonding and Partnership
My wife and I became close friends through shared struggles. We learned to depend on each other and developed a strong, youthful bond. Even simple moments, like sneaking pieces of fried chicken from the kitchen, brought joy and strengthened our connection.
Energy and Parenting
Being young gave us the energy to work hard and care for our children. Our closeness in age also allowed us to form friendships with our kids as they grew up. Today, I’m proud to see my son as a trauma surgeon in Germany, fulfilling dreams I could not pursue.
Frugality and Focus
We practiced extreme frugality, managing our resources wisely. We prioritized delayed gratification, investing in our future instead of succumbing to societal pressures for flamboyance. Unity of purpose was key; we combined our incomes and focused on shared goals.
Supportive Community
Living in Aba exposed me to the industrious Igbo culture, where people were supportive and encouraging. Mentors and models in the Christian faith also inspired and guided us, helping me maintain fidelity and integrity in my marriage.
Final Thoughts
Marrying early was both a challenge and a blessing. It demanded resilience, focus, and a shared commitment to overcome obstacles. If you’re considering early marriage, ensure you’re prepared for the challenges and willing to grow together with your spouse. If you need more time to mature or pursue career goals, that’s fine too. The key is to understand your path and make choices that align with your readiness and aspirations.
Remember, focus on your life, manage your resources wisely, and don’t let societal pressures dictate your journey. There’s a place called “there,” and with determination, you will reach it.
God bless you.
