WEALTH AND DIVORCE DYNAMIC
I made a video some time ago about “What Your Father Didn’t Tell You” for men. One of the statements I made was that if a man does not have money, unless his wife is very spiritual, she does not respect him. Some people argued against this by asking why celebrities, despite all their wealth, still get divorced. One of the issues I have with religious people is that they tend to think in a straight line; they don’t realize that truths can be parallel. This is one truth, and this is another—they don’t necessarily intersect.
The Bible says that “money is the root of all evil,” but it also says, “money answers all things.” So how do you reconcile the two? The same Bible tells us about a poor wise man who saved a small city but was forgotten. What you do is pick each truth and compartmentalize it in your brain, forming an amalgam of wisdom. Wisdom is synthesized from knowledge. So don’t be a linear thinker—think multidimensionally.
I tried to understand why people with money still end up divorced. I studied a few examples. Dolly Parton got married in 1966 to Carl Thomas Dean, and they are still married today. Barry White had a first marriage when he was very young, but he married again in 1974 and stayed with his wife until he passed away in 2003. Among celebrities, the divorce rate is higher, depending on their area of fame. For example, athletes, who secrete adrenaline, norepinephrine, testosterone, and cortisol—hormones that can be sexual stimulants—might have high sexual activity, which could contribute to their marriages breaking down. Long distances from their spouses also contribute to this. The Bible advises couples to “come together quickly so that the devil does not tempt you.”
Another reason wealthy and famous individuals might divorce is due to the nature of their professions. Take Yul Brynner, who stayed married to one wife until her death, or George Bush, who has been married to one wife for years. Many responsible individuals remain married despite their fame. Angela Merkel became Chancellor of Germany and has been married to the same husband, a professor, despite the distances between them.
Divorce often depends on the age at which people marry. Marrying too early, before fame and wealth arrive, can make it challenging to manage those pressures. Professions like music, boxing, sports, and fashion can add significant stress, contributing to divorce. Fame, wealth, and popularity are difficult to manage, especially in demanding circumstances.
From my experience, when a husband and wife grow a business together, including ministry, if both are intelligent, enterprising, and forceful, conflict is likely unless one party mellows for the other. As we grew up building businesses and practicing medicine, three things nearly caused divorce, but our faith and the environment we grew up in, where divorce was neither celebrated nor tolerated, held us together.
The next thing to consider is who the breadwinner is. If the husband is the primary provider and the wife is simply a wife, there is a tendency for the man not to respect her. In certain cultures and religious settings, like the Arab or Jewish communities, the woman may remain subservient due to cultural and religious tendencies. Sometimes, a woman may stay in the marriage until the children are grown and independent, then leave. Some men, engrossed in their businesses, might move on, as we’ve seen with a well-known Nigerian businessman.
Another issue arises when a man with fame and resources marries a woman who is not as intellectually stimulating as he would like. Over time, the couple might grow apart, leading to frustration and eventually separation. For example, consider Bill and Melinda Gates; despite their wealth, they grew apart and divorced. As people age, their interests and needs change. A man may no longer be interested in physical intimacy, and the marriage becomes a drag.
As I’ve shared before, love does not sustain marriage; responsibility does. When a man has secretaries and personal assistants, and if a younger woman comes into the picture, there is a temptation to stray. Even as old as I am, if I allowed side relationships, younger women might be interested because of the resources and fame. If David could fall, any man can fall.
Tiger Woods, for example, felt invincible and thought people would tolerate his mistakes, but eventually, even he faced consequences. When wealth and fame are involved, there’s a tendency to believe that people will overlook your flaws.
When the “oil” of marriage stops flowing—when intimacy declines—it can be a turning point. The man may lose interest, and the woman, who may have gained independence and no longer fears pregnancy, might seek excitement elsewhere. Financial stability alone might not be enough for some women at this stage.
When wealth becomes boring, some people do foolish things to rekindle excitement. But rekindling the “oil” of marriage is often difficult, especially as people age and their needs change.
Despite these challenges, someone once commented on one of my posts, saying it’s better to cry in a Lamborghini than to cry on a bus. Money is good, as long as it doesn’t control you. You need money to live well, to educate your children, to travel, and to contribute to society. But it’s better to have Jesus in your life.
I remain your friend, Dr. Charles Apoki.
