FATHER’S IMPACT ON SUCCESS
I was talking about growing up in the ghetto and how observing my father contributed to shaping my character. I’ve been to Ghana before—I stayed at the European Hotel, went to Takoradi, and Legon, and all that. So, observing my father work very hard instilled that spirit in me. Children are like sponges; they absorb what they see because they have mirror neurons in their prefrontal cortex. You must provide a good model. Thank you so much! You must provide a good model for your children. It helped me. My father’s hard work, his commitment to his family, and his dedication to training his children helped me a great deal. I commend you all to try and do the same.
One thing I didn’t have from my father was the closeness to philosophize with him. The only significant conversation we had was when he told me I would be a medical doctor, just like Dr. Stevenson, when I was in primary 4. That stayed with me. Just imagine—only one statement my father made, and it had such an impact. So, what kind of statements are you making to your children? One statement can make a lasting impression. Like my eldest son, when I would take him into the theatre, I’d write “Professor” on his palm. Later, when I tried to discourage him from studying medicine, I couldn’t because he was already set on that path. The minds of our children are like clay, and we are the potters. The Bible says, “Train up a child in the way he should go.” It means to carve, to shape, to sharpen. For those of you in the diaspora, I feel that one reason children easily drift into the influences seen in European and American public spaces is that fathers are not close enough to their children. Parents aren’t spending enough time with their children.
In those days in Africa, we went to the farm with our parents, returned home with them, and they told us stories that shaped our psychology. Today, our children spend more time with Tom and Jerry, and all kinds of stuff, and with house helps and nannies. It is crucial to spend time with your children—very, very essential. That helped me a great deal. I cultivated an entrepreneurial spirit very early on. Maybe it was triggered by poverty. Someone told me today that if we hadn’t experienced some of the poverty we did growing up, we wouldn’t have developed the resilience and entrepreneurial spirit we have today. Going to school with the children of elites, commissioners, and all kinds of people, I had to do odd jobs to raise some money, just to not be left behind. Imagine using my school fees to buy fresh fish, drying them, and giving them to my mother to sell so I could multiply the fees. That mindset has been with me since childhood.
From what we’re discussing, it seems that Sigmund Freud was right in saying that 75% of an adult’s personality is formed in childhood. That is very true. If we aren’t careful, we will lose our children. Let’s spend more time with them; let’s not see them as too young to philosophize with. Sometimes, my granddaughter tells my daughter, “Stop putting toothpaste from the beginning to the end. You don’t listen to somebody. Daddy—she calls me Daddy—said when you want to put toothpaste, don’t press from the start, just press it from the end.” So, I’ve implanted something even in my granddaughter. Let’s raise our children with a lot of intentionality. I’ve discovered that the children of the elite in Europe and America are raised with intentionality.
Let’s imprint values in the minds of our children. The distractions our children face today are overwhelming—all kinds of things, pride parades, musicians, models. Parenting is very absent in many homes—intentional parenting, that is. I think we need to do more of that in this generation. It will help us. I know we need to work multiple jobs to keep up, but Asians spend more time together as families than we, of African descent, do. Bearing in mind, someone said that Africans were taken into slavery not as families, and when we arrived in the Americas, we were separated into different farms. The result was the destruction of family structure. We need to reconstitute family values—eating together, sharing together, forming family traditions. My granddaughter arranges her shoes because, right from my wife to her mother, we’ve instilled that value. If not, we’ll lose our children very fast, and many are already lost.
Please take this seriously. We can make all the money, but if we don’t take care of our children, those with family values will buy over our businesses. I was discussing with a friend who bought buildings that belonged to top Nigerians. While his father was a security guard, living in a mud house, he managed to buy properties from very wealthy people. Let’s train our children, spend time with them, and install values that are different from the present ones being peddled by various movements—some of which are just crazy.
Thank you so much for listening. If you have any questions, I’ll take them. Does anyone have a question? Dr. Mela? Ristan? My brother? Anyone? Today is a test run; we might do more of this in the future.
Do you think Africa will be great again? Yes, definitely. If we adopt a long-term mentality. One of the problems we face in Africa is this “Rapture mentality”—thinking the world is coming to an end, so we think short-term, as if we have a limited time as a species. I believe Africa can be great again. Look at recent history: the Jews were discriminated against in Europe and even in the United States after World War II. Most of them were seamstresses and labourers, but they had skills. Italians weren’t taken seriously and were not even considered white. The Chinese were mocked but look at them now. The Japanese have rebuilt and rebranded themselves. India was a laughingstock in the ’70s, associated with hunger, disease, and poverty, but they’ve rebranded themselves.
Africa, with good leadership and all the resources and potential we have, can be great again in five to ten years. If you look at football in Europe, the United States, or athletics, you’ll see Nigerians, Cameroonians, Congolese, and Sierra Leoneans in the national teams of France, Belgium, the Netherlands, the US, the UK, and even Germany. Africa will be great again if we have great leadership. What recently took place in Kenya is just an indication of what will soon happen around Africa. We have hope in this continent. Africa will be great again.
Thank you, Mr. Aji. I grew up with him; we were family friends.
Sir, when did you realize you had a gift from God to offer the world? Well, I didn’t initially realize I had a gift. What I had was a sense of responsibility. From the secondary school I attended, Government College Ughelli, I had a sense of responsibility that we were the leaders of tomorrow. I saw people who finished from that school in leadership positions in Nigeria—secretaries, state governors, and medical doctors. When I went for National Youth Service and saw Nigerian youths win the Kodak Trophy, I had a sense of pride and a desire to make a meaningful contribution to society.
It was when I got born again that I started serving God out of a sense of responsibility. I started doing things because I wanted to contribute to society. It was then that a pastor I used to give money to prophesied that God would anoint me and use me. I thought he just wanted money. Later, I saw a great man of God preaching on television, and when he made a gesture, people fell under the anointing. I touched the screen, wanting to be like him. From there, things started happening. Initially, it was just a sense of responsibility and a desire to contribute to society that drove me.
Going into land banking or other businesses—which is preferable? One thing I’ve learned about life is that it’s not either/or. You can do many things simultaneously if you prioritize, organize, allocate resources properly, and sometimes delegate. I do land banking, run schools, write books, give lectures—I do many things at the same time. Our education system often limits us to one area, but life isn’t like that.
Someone asked about spending time with family while managing other responsibilities, especially as a new family where both parents work. One advantage I’ve had in life is that apart from practicing medicine for two years, I’ve never really worked for anyone else. I’ve always insisted that even if I had to work for someone or set up a business, my home shouldn’t be far from my workplace. There was a time I would tell people that
if they worked for someone who required more than eight hours of work a day, they were slaves.
My wife was a full-time housewife for about 10 years, which helped a lot. She was able to handle all the demands of the family, allowing me to focus on other things. But we decided that after our children finished secondary school, she could go back to work. This arrangement allowed us to maintain a balance. My recommendation is that in the early stages of a family, one parent, preferably the mother, should be more available to take care of the children. You may earn less, but the benefits outweigh the financial sacrifice. Children grow up very fast, and if you don’t spend time with them, you may miss out on key moments. The investment in their upbringing will have lasting returns.
Is it too late to succeed after age 40? Not at all. Remember the story of Colonel Sanders, the founder of KFC? He started the company in his 60s. Your age doesn’t matter. What matters is your mindset and willingness to continue growing and learning. You can make significant progress and achieve success at any age. God has a purpose for each of us, and as long as you’re alive, it’s never too late to fulfill that purpose.
Finally, one last question: How can we manage our relationship with children when they are influenced by the world’s negative aspects? My advice is to build a strong foundation at home. Spend quality time with your children, teaching them the values that are important to you. Encourage open communication, so they feel comfortable discussing their thoughts and experiences with you. Establish family traditions that reinforce your values. Be proactive in guiding them and pray for them consistently. Ultimately, it’s God who watches over them, but you can do your part by being present, intentional, and involved in their lives. God bless you.
I remain Dr. Charles Apoki
