Most problems that people encounter in marriages were present from the beginning. Unfortunately, because people rarely change quickly, these issues often persist and grow worse over time. Many times, the initial “chemical reaction” of falling in love blinds us to these signs. Falling in love, fueled by hormones like oxytocin, affects our brain much like a drug does, leading us to ignore red flags and believe things will change.
1. Falling in Love Can Blind You: Falling in love can feel like common sense leaving your brain. You might see signs of toxicity but choose to ignore them, believing the person will change. If you start a relationship with physical intimacy, it can cloud your judgment. That’s why it’s important to keep a clear head and avoid physical intimacy before marriage. Remember, a broken engagement is better than a divorce.
2. Draining Energy: If you spend time with someone and end up feeling exhausted, mentally or physically, that’s a red flag. Relationships should be uplifting, not draining. If you don’t look forward to seeing the person and feel drained after spending time together, it’s a sign of toxicity.
3. Name Calling, Belittling, and Constant Criticism: Toxic individuals often resort to name-calling, belittling, and constant criticism. This behavior is harmful and degrading. If someone constantly criticizes you, belittles your achievements, or calls you names, they are toxic.
4. Lack of Communication and Stonewalling: Toxic individuals avoid communication and may stonewall you, refusing to talk. They may also dismiss your feelings, ignoring significant events in your life like birthdays, promotions, or losses. If someone avoids communication or dismisses your feelings, it’s a sign of toxicity.
5. Control and Manipulation: When one partner tries to dominate the other and makes unilateral decisions without consent, it’s a toxic dynamic. Control and manipulation are common traits in toxic relationships.
6. Gaslighting: Gaslighting is when someone manipulates your reality, making you question your own sanity. If you find yourself doubting your perceptions or sanity because of someone’s manipulative behavior, you’re dealing with a toxic person.
7. Emotional Neglect: Toxic people often neglect their partner’s emotional needs. They show no respect for their partner’s emotions or significant life events. This lack of emotional support is harmful.
8. Infidelity: Infidelity is a clear sign of toxicity. If a partner is unfaithful, it shows a lack of respect and commitment to the relationship. Blatant infidelity is a major red flag.
9. Financial Control: Using finances to control and manipulate the other partner is common in toxic relationships. Financial control can lead to a power imbalance and resentment.
10. Total Disrespect: Toxic individuals have no regard for their partner’s ideas, opinions, or status. They often make cynical remarks and show a complete lack of respect.
11. Withdrawal of Intimacy: Withdrawing intimacy to manipulate the other partner is a sign of toxicity. A lack of intimacy can damage the relationship and create a significant emotional gap.
12. Defensiveness: Toxic people are often defensive and unwilling to accept their mistakes. They argue unnecessarily and refuse to listen to reason, even when they are clearly wrong.
A toxic marriage is like a prison sentence. It’s energy-sapping, frustrating, and can feel like being in a concentration camp. Identifying and avoiding these signs early can save you from a lifetime of misery.
Stay strong, stay wise, and avoid toxic relationships, God bless you.
